You Know It's HOT Outside When...

• You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
• Your computer won't work unless it has it's own AC blowing on it.
• Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
• Airplanes can't land because the asphalt is too soft.
• You discover that it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
• The swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra crispy."
• Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
• The strawberries are ripe and the cab drivers are riper.
• Your pool water starts to boil in the sun.
• The hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot.
• Pigs complain about sweating like fat humans.
• A scalding hot shower still cools you down.
• You've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man.
• People walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames.
• A $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants.
• The politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves.
• You need a spatula to remove your clothing.
• When the beer gut and big butt don't keep you from wearing shorts.
• You wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather.
• You ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible.
• You are sweating in both directions -- up and down!
• It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
• Sunscreen is sold at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30 spf is a joke, and you wear it just to go shopping.
• You burn your hand opening the car door.
• You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
• You are sitting inside reading these jokes.
• Your brother's braces make blisters on his lips.